KINGDOM HEARTS III CANON MIX
by IAMASEXYMAN
Summary: The TRUE canon version of Kingdom Hearts 3. This is not fanfiction, this is canon. The upcoming game by Square Enix is fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

World: The Mysterious Tower

"While Sora is out doing training of his own, the two of you must do your own Keyblade training," Yen Sid announced to Kairi and Ax- err, I mean Lea. "You mean all alone, with her...?" Axel asked. "Oh yes, training together will help you both out well and build more power between your hearts, or some shit like that," Yen Sid replied. Axel got a weird look in his eyes. "Are you... okay?", Kairi asked. Axel looked over to Kairi. "My eyes are up here..." she quietly said. Axel awkwardly looked upwards toward her face. "Uhh, yeah, everything is just fine," he said in haste. "We better just go get that training done. No time to waste!", he yelled in a flat yet cheerful voice, as he pulled Kairi out of the tower with him. "Riku," Yen Sid said after the Keyblade training duo had fully exited the building. Riku looked over to the old man. "Go keep an eye on them. The one with red spikey hair seemed a little... off," he said. "Got it!" Riku said, as he got up and ran after the duo. The only people left in the tower were Yen Sid, Donald, and Goofy. "So... will we ever have importance to the plot again?" Goofy asked Yen Sid. Yen Sid shot Goofy a cold look, causing him to back up a bit and fall out the window.

World: Who gives a fuck

Riku was watching Lea and Kairi from a tree branch. "Just make a move you little freak..." he whispered under his breath as Lea was attemping to summon his keyblade. "Oh, so that's how you do it. Your turn, Kairi," he said as it finally came out. "I... I don't remember how to do it," Kairi said in a shy voice. "Don't be so shy. I can make things extract very eaaaasily..." Lea said in a creepy way, nearing Kairi. Riku was preparing to jump out and stop him if the scene went too far. "Here, give me your hand, I'll show you how to do it!", Lea said. Kairi attempted to run off, but then Lea grabbed her. "No way you're getting away, I've wanted to rape you ever since I kidnapped you in Kingdom Hearts 2, bitch!", Lea yelled. And just the the fourth wall shattered. The ground tore open between Lea and Kairi, and an intense Earthquake swept across the land. The tree Riku was hiding on fell over and nearly crushed him. The world start fading out very slowly. "Axel!", Kairi yelled. "Oh fuck you, it's Lea!", Lea yelled out faintly.

World: ?

Riku awoke in a blank white area with nothing of interest in the distance. "Where am I now...?", he asked himself. "Axel? Kairi? Where are you two?", he yelled. No replies. Suddenly, a man in a black coat appeared behind him. "I am the physical manifestation of the fourth wall. You are lost in my destroyed realm, due to intentionally bad plot writing," the being said to Riku as he turned around. "Bad plot writing? Well this is familiar..."  
"No, this is much, MUCH worse than anything you've been through before."  
"So what'll happen next?"  
"...Bye."  
"No, don't lea- ah he's gone."

A portal appeared out of thin air. "Remember, bad plot writing..." a voice faintly said. Riku nodded and entered the portal.


	2. Chapter 2

Riku exited the portal and found himself in a strange world. "Where is this?", he asked himself. Various plastic and small looking people walked across the room. He looked down at his own hands and noticed he was just like the others. "Evening, stranger," greeted a small cowboy toy. "The name's Woody, what's yours?", he asked. "Riku, nice to meet you Woody," he replied. "You must be a new toy around here, I'll show you around. This is Andy's Room."

World: Toy Land

"So before we start this, remember, every time Andy may enter the room, DON'T MOVE. It's the number one rule here. Now then, let's take a look around," Woody said as he and Riku passed by random shit flying all over in Andy's Room. "Stop, don't move any further," Woody said. "Why? Is Andy coming?", asked Riku. "No... it's just that douchebag Buzz over there. Andy's COOL NEW toy. He's so full of it," Woody said in an angered tone. "Come on, he can't be that bad," Riku said examining Buzz, as he helped out another toy. "It is that bad. I plot on killing him, you in?", Woody questioned Riku, with the face of a batshit insane stone cold murderer. "Uhh, I'll pass... but thanks for the offer. In fact, I think I gotta get out of here too," Riku said in reply. "Oh, oh, no, no, no. I see what you're gonna do. You're gonna go reveal my plans to everyone and warn that motherfucker in advance. I can't let you leave now that you know my plan. You have to die too!", Woody said, as he pulled out a knife. Riku took out his keyblade. "What's that? A plastic oversized key?", Woody asked. Riku looked down at his keyblade only to realize it had transformed into a toy as well. "Shit," he said. Woody neared Riku who was now cornered. As Woody slowly lifted his small little knife into the air, Riku realized something; Woody had been taken over by the overly cliche darkness! Riku quickly dodged Woody's assault and grabbed a nearby Linkin Log. "Hope you're ready..."

Meanwhile, back at the Mysterious Tower, Yen Sid was looking into the stars or something. "I can feel a great disturbance in the worlds... some of them are being sucked into a vortex, more and more by the minute," he said. "Well it's not like we get to do anything about it, we don't get to do shit anymore," said Donald. "Actually I was just about to tell you to go outside and scrap Goofy off the ground and journey to find Sora and find out what is happening," Yen Sid said. Before he had a chance to say anything more, Donald was out of the tower.

"Wake up Goofy you lazy ass motherfucker. All you've done for the past goddamn hour is sleep like the little worthless shit you are. I am so disgusted by you that I can't tell if my head is still spinning from the fact we actually got assigned to do something, or for my unforgiving rage. If you ever wake up at this point, I will tear you apart from limb to limb, in the most violently disturbing way possible, and then proceed to put your body back together, JUST TO RIP IT APART AGAIN AND THEN EAT IT AND SHIT IT OUT INTO THE OCEAN!", Donald screamed. Goofy slowly got up with a dizzy tiredness. "What was that Donald?", he asked. Donald looked at Goofy with a blank expression. "Nothing, come on, let's just go."

World: Traverse Town (Dream)

Sora was screaming at the top of his lungs. "HOLY SHIT IN THE NAME OF HALEY JOEL OSMENT I HAVE NEVER SCREAMED SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!", he yelled. Hordes of Dream Eaters were surronding Sora in the middle of a dreamed up Travere Town. "SOMEBODY HELP, THEY'VE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR DAYS NOW!", he yelled, as the Dream Eaters continued to gangbang the life out of Sora. "I ADMIT I LIKED IT AT FIRST BUT I'M DYING NOW!", he screamed as the Dream Eaters around him started disappearing one by one. Donald and Goofy had appeared to save the day. "THAT WAS THE WORST JOURNEY I HAVE EVER HAD!", he cried. "It's okay, it's done now," Goofy said as he patted Sora on the back. "No. It's not done. It never will be. Every time I sleep... they'll be waiting for me in my drea- no, nightmares. I can no longer dream. It's all nightmares from now on... all nightmares," Sora said under his breath, which were getting slower and less frequent. "We better take him back to Yen Sid," Donald suggested, as he and Goofy lifted Sora up.


	3. Chapter 3

AND WE NOW RETURN TO RIKU IN TOY LAND... where Riku anticlimatically defeated Woody by shoving the Linkin Log into his ass, thus somehow extracting the darkness within him. "Thanks pal, I don't know how that worked, but that log sure is a stress reliever!", Woody said. "Uh, yeah, right. So about this Buzz guy...", Riku began speaking. "It's okay, I don't wanna kill him. Just turn his life into a living hell, that's all," Woody said with a less pissed off voice. "...I still don't get how this is justified," Riku said to Woody, who gave him a cross look. "What the hell did you just imply? Of all things, this is the most justified thought I've ever had. Buzz came into Andy's life, fully removing me from it. I had everything, I had it all. Until that cocky cock showed up. He's taken my whole life away from me. That prick deserves to pay!", Woody ranted on and on. "Wow, for a guy with 'Woody' as their name, you sure do use a lot of dick synonyms as insults," Riku quietly said. "What was that...?", Woody asked with a menacing voice. Riku quickly backed up a bit. "Never mind, forget it. So I really have no idea what I'm suppose to do here, an-", Riku begun, as a bottle with a note inside flew through the window and hit him in the head. "What does it say?", Woody asked, as Riku took the note out of the bottle and read it. "It says I need to seal the keyholes for yet to be revealed plot reasons, and for each keyhole to be revealed, something sexual must happen in every world," he said as his eyes scanned down the note. "Something sexual has already happened here. Remember the Linkin Log?", Woody asked. Just then a keyhole opened up across the room. "There it is!", Riku said. "Come on, let's go get it!", Woody cheered on, but just as they were about to take a run over to it, they heard calls from outside of under Andy's bed. (Yes, they were battling under there. Shoot me for forgetting to mention it). "Andy's coming," everybody yelled. It wasn't Andy though, it was his mom. With a vaccum. The bitch was relentlessly vaccuming up toys. In fact, this is probably why Toy Story 3 had a lot of missing toys, but that's not important. Riku and Woody took a run for it across the room.

Generic transmition, Sora was taken back to the Mysterious Tower thanks to Donald and Goofy, where Yen Sid used magic to remove Sora's memory of being gangbanged, and Donald healed him with cure. "What... hapened...?", Sora asked as he slowly got up after passing out. "Sora, do you remember how you just got gangb-", Goofy began as Donald punched him from the side. "Don't you dare fucking mention it," Donald said sternly. "Oh... OH GOD IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME!", Sora screamed. "Fuck!", Yen Sid yelled. "Don't you mean, 'cumming' back to you?", Goofy asked while trying to hold in a giggle. Sora broke out crying and fell back down against the floor. "Anyway, as I was saying, the worlds are in danger. With the fourth wall broken, an endless vortex has been opened, sucking in all the worlds, and combining all the dimensions. The only way to protect each world from major alteration is to seal each world's keyhole, which can be revealed by something sexual happening in each world," Yen Sid explained. "Well thanks to Sora, we can seal Traverse Town!", Goofy said. "IT'S NOT FUNNY!", Sora screamed while craddling in the corner. "We would normally call upon the king for help, but he's gone missing... in a game taking place within a wasteland that's so bad every copy of the game belongs in a wasteland itself," Yen Sid said, finishing off his dossier, and sending the trio of Sora, Donald, and Goofy off on a new journey.

And now we return to two characters we haven't seen in a while, Kairi and Lea. "Where are we now...?", Lea wondered aloud. "Oh my God... IT'S SLENDER-MAN!", Kairi screamed. "Why does everybody say that?", a tall figure with a Skull-like face asked in a saddened tone. "Watch out Kairi, I'll protect you!", Lea yelled as he took out his keyblade. Kairi looked over at Lea and then the tall figure a few times, and finally said "I'd rather take my chances with Slendy instead, you crazed pedo," and Lea looked down dissappointed. "My name is Jack. Jack Skellington," said the tall figure, as he reached out his hand. Kairi looked at the hand awkwardly for a few seconds, as Jack reached in further for a handshake, until he finally tipped over and fell. "Uhh, anyway, welcome to Halloween Town, have some complimentary crappy Halloween costumes!"

World: Halloween Town.

"Slender Man, what are you gonna do to me?", Kairi asked, sluttily leaning against him. Lea was following from behind, jealous even though he knew that's just what Kairi wanted out of him. "Keep avoiding me, you whore..." Lea whispered various times as he trudged on. "And this is my dog...thingy. Zero!", said Jack. Zero emerged from the ground. "That's a nice dog Slender-man!", Kairi cheerfully yelled. There was a loud snapping sound coming from inside Jack. "Yeah, moving on. This is the lab, that's my house over there... hey, let's go check out Christmas Town!"


	4. Chapter 4

"We... we finally made it!", Riku yelled as he pulled out his keyblade. "Yeah, that vaccum... SUCKED!", Woody said as he pulled out a pair of sunglasses and made a reference to an unfunny meme. "Well partner, this looks like goodbye," Woody said in a sad voice, as Riku sealed the keyhole. "Nah, I'll come again some time. Take care until then," Riku said, as the keyhole was sealed and he exited the world.

Riku was returned to the white space from before. "I'm back here again... but there are more portals than before," he said as he neared one. Suddenly, a hand from behind pulled him back and turned him around. "It's me, the fourth wall again. I must tell you, that for each world to be fully sealed, there are FIVE keyholes that need to be taken care of, and they must all be sealed by different people, too" he said. "Shit," Riku firmly spoke aloud, as he entered one of the portals.

Word meaning we're changing to another character's story, Sora and his gang had entered the white vortex consuming all the worlds. "Look, there's Traverse Town! Let's seal it!", Goofy yelled. Sora cringed a bit as they entered. "Don't worry, no Dream Eaters here. Just Heartless, we swear," Goofy said. "Yeah, we literally swear. The are no FUCKING Dream Eaters here, just Heartless," Donald said in response. Sora sighed and they all continued onward until they found the keyhole. Just as they were about to seal it, a familiar voice called Sora's name...  
"Hey Sora, what are you doing back here?", they asked. It was Neku. "Who the hell is this?", Donald asked. "Sora... why do you have a duck and dog with you? Are they... DREAM EATERS?", Neku asked. Sora fell to the ground and started crying. "Fuck... you. Just go away," he said. "All right. Cya in Shibuya then," Neku said as he walked away. "I'M NEVER GOING TO THE FUCKING GOOK FILLED HELL YOU CALL HOME YOU ASSHOLE!", Sora screamed. Neku made a disturbed face gesture and ran away as fast as he could. Goofy and Donald looked at Sora awkwardly as they exhanged glances, and started dragging him towards to keyhole. "C'mon, just seal it so we can LEAVE, and you'll never have to come back here again unless Nomura-san runs out of ideas for worlds and re-uses this place," Goofy said, as Sora slowly lifted up his keyblade and shot a beam of light out of it, sealing the world and allowing the trio to leave - for what was hopefully a long time.

Meanwh- okay I'm done starting paragraphs like this. Kairi and Lea were follwing Jack Skellington down a secret entrance to Christmas Town. "I wonder what Sandy Clause is up to?", Jack wondered aloud as he exited the end of the tunnel. Lea nudged Kairi as they exited the tunnel. "Hey, Kairi, wanna know what I have that's just as white as this snow?", he asked in a creepy flirty way. Kairi pushed him back down and ran back over to Jack. "That big house over there is the place where that fat BITCH Sandy Clause keeps all his crappy presents," he said. "I thought you said Santa Clause was a nice man...", Kairi mentioned. "Oh, he WAS, until that fatass skipped me one Christmas. Well actually, he left a note saying because of all the troubled I've caused him I'm never getting another Christmas present. C'mon, let's go burn down his factory!", Jack Skellington yelled as he charged down hill. "Kairi, don't listen to him. That's just fucked up in all kinds of ways. Instead, you should stay here with me, and do something less... naughty, but still... naughty," Lea said as he neared Kairi. "Fuck off, I'd rather burn down a factory then spend time with you, you loli-craving creep!", Kairi yelled, as she ran down the hill following the tracks Jack had left behind. "All I want is bonding time and she treats me like creep, yeesh."

Meanwhi- okay I lied. All paragraphs are starting with "Meanwhile," from now on. Get over it. MEANWHILE, Yen Sid realized he should actually become a part of the plot's action rather than sitting at the Mysterious Tower and staring at stars all day, so he left to go explore the worlds, and help seal keyholes...


	5. Chapter 5

World: ?

Xehanort was at home, watching some sleezy pornos while lying down on the couch. "I should really put some of my plans into motion for once...", he finally said after a few minutes of watching a terrible porno. "Which reminds me. I need a job. The rent is almost due for this place, and apparently I'm the only Organization 13 member who even gives a damn!", he ranted on. Xigbar was eating chicken wings on the other side of the couch. "Hey, it's not like you're paying us to go through with your elaborate plans or anything. We all live here in return for that you know," he said with his mouth stuffed full. "Yeah, whatever... hey, are you sitting on the remote? I don't remember switching to the news channel at all!", Xehanort said as he got up and off the couch. "We now interupt this sleezy porno to announce that the worlds are in grave danger!", the newsman reported. "The worlds are in danger and it's not even my doing? This is preposterous!", he yelled. Just as he was about to say more, Xigbar spilled a crapton of chicken wing sauce all over the couch. "That's it you worthless little shit. You're gonna go find out what's going on for me!", he yelled. Xigbar shrugged. "Go do it yourself!"  
"Why should I?"  
"I've been working for you for over ten years and you STILL haven't made up for the eye scar Terra gave me."  
"Fair enough... what about the other Organization members?"  
"They were all murdered by that one king guy, who fled off somewhere himself afterward."  
"...I'll just get this over with myself."

But on the topic of old men going on journies, Yen Sid had just arrived in his first world: Hallow Bastion.

World: Hallow Bastion. Yes, that was really necessary.

"Hmm. Been a while since I've gone here... I better start by visiting an old college friend..." Yen Sid said, as he walked around the town. He come across a house with a door slightly open and entered. There was an elderly woman within, knitting something together. "Guess who!", Yen Sid yelled. The elderly lady turned around. "Yen? Sid? Yen Sid? It's been so many years since we've... you know what in our college years...", she sluttily spoke aloud. "Alas, it has been...", Yen Sid said, as he gazed into the eyes of his elderly college companion. The two neared each other, and the woman leaned back against a table, and Yen Sid took out a "keyblade" of his.  
"OH YESSSS!"  
"MOOOOORE"  
Cries could be heard from outside the house. Huey, Dewey, and Louie walked towards the door, and curiosity got the best of them as they peaked their heads inside. There was tons of awkard sounds and liquids flying across the room. Huey puked all over Dewey, and then Louie puked after seeing that. They backed up out of the doorway, but then the elderly woman came outside, in the bare. "Oh no, you naughty little ducklings. You saw it, come on in and join us, you'll have fun!", she said. They all took a run for it, as she ran after them through the streets, as her breasts flew across the air in parallel sides. Yen Sid got off the top of the table. A keyhole had opened in the house. "Ah, my first keyhole. That was some hard yet fine work," he said, as he pulled out his real keyblade and sealed it.

Speaking of sex-crazed creeps, Lea was sitting outside Santa's Factory, with Kairi and Jack Skellington fucking it up inside. They both ran out. "Run Axel, run!", Kairi yelled as she zipped by. "Fuck you, I told you, it's Le-", Axe- err, Lea began to yell as the factory blew up. A keyhole was in sight. "What the HELL did you two do in there?", Lea questioned. "Oh, it turned out Santas was a perverted creep as well, and w-", Kairi started to explain, but Lea hushed her. "I... don't wanna hear it, let's just seal that thing and leave!", he yelled while sealing the keyhole. "It looks like the keyhole is revealed upon sexual events happening in each world..." 


	6. Chapter 6

Xehanort had arrived in his first world: Hallow Bastion.

World: Hallow Bastion. Still necessary. It still is.

"Ah, I haven't been in Not-so-Radiant-anymore-Garden in a long while. Ha, I love the fact it's name change was mostly because of shit I started!", he said as three ducks and a naked milf ran past him. "...I already hate it here," he mumbled as he walked down the sleezy streets of the town. A naked man slowly emerged from a door. "Yen Sid"  
"Xehanort"  
"What are YOU doing here?"  
"I should be asking the same thing, you evil little prick."  
"Let's save the crappily written encounter dialogue for later. Tell me about what is going on!"  
"Why should I? You probably started all of this or plan on using it to your benefits!"  
"...I wasn't but that's a good idea."  
"...Shit. Alright, I'll tell you. ONLY IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO STIR UP EVEN MORE TROUBLE."  
"Good."  
"Alright, the fourth wall was broken. All of the worlds are being sucked into a white vortex, and dimensions are merging with one-another. Not only that, but each world needs FIVE keyholes sealed in order to be saved from destruction. Each one is revealed by having a sexual experience within the world and we have little time."  
"What? WHAT? What the hell is this? It is I and ONLY I who may bring terror and destruction the worlds. I have to save the worlds so I can hurt them later! Bye Yen, I gotta go!"  
"...Well, that was serendipity."

Xehanort rushed through the streets, looking for an attractive young women to fuck so he could find the keyhole. Eventually, he ran straight into some fat naked bitch running through the streets. "You're not the three little duckies I was looking for, but you'll have to do...", the elderly lady said. Xehanort tried breaking free of her grasp, but she was too strong. She had grabbed him by the neck and dragged him all the way back to her house, as he passed out.

Back in the vortex/destroyed fourth wall, Riku had entered a new portal. He ended up in another world he hadn't seen before. There was a large forest, though it was hard to see at night. There was a little bit of light peaking in through the branches from the moon though, so Riku could make out his surrondings well enough. He crept through the forest, onward and onward, until he came across a clearing. There was a big ship there, and it looked like it was made with crappy CGi. Riku hid behind a bush and watched, as brown little aliens with oddly shaped heads and long necks exited the ship, carrying small flower pots. "What world am I in?", Riku asked himself. Another small brown alien left the ship, but he took a separate route than the other aliens. "I should get out of here, fast," Riku whispered as he turned back and frantically ran through the forest. Just as he saw a long narrow light peak in through the forest exit, he ran head first into the digressed alien from before. The alien screamed, causing Riku to nearly shit himself out of pure fear. "Heartless, Nobody, or even possilby a Dream Eater, I don't care. I'm putting an end to you, you creepy little shit!", he said as he tried murdering the creature with his keyblade, but the alien ran off. Riku gave pursuit and ran through the streets, corn fields, and more while after the alien, until it finally gave up and looked into the sky. Riku looked up as well, and saw the spaceship from before enter the sky and blast off. The alien was now pissed. Only because of Riku, he had now lost his only way of getting back home. Riku backed up as the alien hissed at him a few times, and then jumped towards him. "It's pretty late out, I'll have to finish you up by morning," Riku said as he whacked the brown little alien with his keyblade. It immediately screamed and ran off. "Damn it. Now, how am I suppose to find the keyhole...?", he wondered.

"Ugh... I feel like... shit," Xehanort said as he awoke. He was in a bed he didn't remeber sleeping in. He looked over to his side, and saw the elderly lady from before, wide awake smoking a cigarette. "I see you're awake, sleepyhead. Want some more?", she asked as she shot a wink at Xehanort. "No you crazed milf! I'm sealing that keyhole over there and getting the fuck out!", Xehanort said as he took out a keyblade and sealed it. 


	7. Chapter 7

Riku walked through the streets of Hallow Bastion as he passed Xehanort, who was just leaving. "Wait, I've seen you before... I think," Xehanort said as he looked face-to-face with Riku. "Boy, you look terried. What's wrong?", after Riku said nothing in reply to his greeting for a total of 25 seconds. "There was a world.. and to seal it...s keyhole... I had... to... well... there was a hole in the ground... and I had to resort to...", he began speaking, as Xehanort interuppted him. "Kinky, but I've heard enough. Just be careful of that crazy milf downtown. Don't wanna get involved with her, cya," Xehanort said as he walked away. Riku walked down the streets in fear, as he remembered what terror he had experienced thanks to that hole in the ground, which just so happened to be filled with spiders.

But let's get back to certain characters who haven't been mentioned in ages; Sora, Donald, and Goofy, whom had just entered a place known as Pizza Planet, and were inside a claw machine. There was nothing but green aliens as far as the eye could see, all except for two other toys in there; a cowboy and space ranger. The duo of different toys approached Sora, Donald, and Goofy. "What are you two doing in here?", they asked. "Well... we kind of got stuck. We need to find a way out and the only way to do it is by having a sexual experience!", Sora said. "Well... that's... weird," Buzz spoke slowly and awkwardly. Just then, all of the aliens in the machine started surronding them. "We only worship one more thing than the claw, and that's sex," they all said simultaneously. An orgy broke out through the machine. "Gawrsh, this must be better than the time you did this with Dream Eaters, huh, Sora?", Goofy asked. Sora's eyes broke wide open with pure disturbance, and he took out his keyblade and started relentlessly murdering every alien toy. Woody, Buzz, Donald, and Goofy all stared in shock as each alien was ripped apart while violently screaming, as Sora killed each and every innocent one of them. "Ah... I can see the keyhole now!", Sora said cheerfully as he was readying to take out his keyblade, but just then he saw a familiar person walk past the claw machine. It was Xehanort. "Oh no, this means trouble," he said as he motioned Donald and Goofy to come over and look as well. Xehanort walked over to a machine with a sex doll in it. "Come to papa..." he said, as he slowly lifted one of the sex dolls out. The entire arcade directed their attention to the creepy old man, and as he blowed the sex doll up to full size, he began to take action with it in plain sight. Security tried kicking him out, but it was no use. After Xehanort had popped the doll with his "keyblade", a keyhole opened up and he took out his actual keyblade to seal it. Sora, Donald, Goofy, Woody, and Buzz looked away in disgust, but as they did, they noticed the clab had just grabbed them and pulled them out of the machine. "Sid!", Woody and Buzz yelled.

Yen Sid had appeared in someone's yard. "Hmm... there are a lot of destroyed toys out here... maybe I should ask the good fellows inside the house if one of them could engage in intercourse with me so I could find the keyhole?", he wondered aloud, as he broke into the house. He looked around but found nothing of interest, and eventually found a room that belonged to a little delinquent. A dog started barking down stairs, and there was the sound of a door opening and thuds on the staircase. The family was home. Yen Sid hid under the bed, and watched as a boy entered the room, and put down a bag. Yen Sid peaked into the bad from afar, and saw Sora, Donald, and Goofy hiding in it, as toy versions of themselves. This made his mission clear. Yen Sid came from out of the covers, and poked the kid. "Who... are you? MOOOO-", he began to cry out, but Yen Sid silenced him, and made sure Sora and his companions had a chance to escape.

Hours later, outside of Sid's house, Yen Sid came outside with keyblade in hand, ready to open the keyhole that had opened up outside thanks to unmentioned actions he had done in the house. "Sora, Donald, Goofy, have you found this world's keyhole yet?", he asked. "We have... but we need to get back to it...", Sora told him. Yen Sid nodded, and Goofy told the story of how they found the world's keyhole. Yen Sid sighed and then told Sora he had to tell him something; he had never fully waken up from his nightmare in Kingdom Hearts 3D. This entire time, he was being gangbanged by Dream Eaters from his insides, keeping him awake for as long as he lived, because if he ever sleeped, he'd once again fall into an endless slumber. With this, Sora had a mental breakdown, Yen Sid sealed the keyhole he found, and Donald & Goofy dragged Sora back to Pizza Planet to seal the keyhole they had found.


	8. Chapter 8

Though she was disgusted by Lea and his perverted behaviour, Kairi accepted him as a companion, and allowed him to travel with her to the next world; Hallow Bastion.

World: Hallow Bastion. Ha, we don't even do this whole "World: Location" thing anymore.

"Where are we going again?", Lea asked. "Axel, I told you, we're going to my grandma's house. She could give us good advice ya' know?", she replied. "Call me Axel one more time...", he thought as he made a fist out of his hand. The two kept walking through the streets, as they saw Riku exit a door in the distance. Just as Kairi opened her mouth to call Riku's name, Lea hushed her until Riku was out of sight. "What the hell is your problem? We've probably lost him by now, asshole!", Kairi yelled to Lea. "Come on, let's just go to your grandma's house now," Lea said in a voice full of displeasure. The two kept walking and entered the door Riku had came out of, which just so happened to be the house of Kairi's grandma. Kairi's Grandma was naked, drunk, and laying down on the table. "HOT!", yelled Lea, as he dove towards the old milf. "No, Axel, you creepy fuck, that's my GRANDMA for crying out loud!", Kairi screamed. "Hell, I don't care what the age. As long as she's related to you I'm digging it!", he snapped back at Kairi, who's grandma had just woken up. "Ohhh... noo more. I've already done this a good three times today, and just ten minutes ago with that white haired boy... and they all sealed keyholes... as they screwed mine", she moaned on, as Lea tried fucking her intensely. A keyhole formed as Kairi was being horrified by the sight. "Look, the keyhole is here, Axel. Let's seal it and LEAVE!", she said, pulling Lea off of her grandma. "Oh, fine. But I still want to do the same with you, soon!", he said pervertedly, as he sealed the keyhole.

Meanwhile (Yep I'm gonna start saying that again), Riku was outside in the main square of Hollow Bastion. He was checking his surrondings, as he spotted a familiar guy: The King, aka Mickey FUCKIN' Mouse. "King, what are you doing here?", Riku asked in a surprised voice. "Look kid, I don't know you, but I'll give you a Steambot Willie... if you know what I mean... for a dollar...", Mickey said. "Oh no, he doesn't remember me. I think he's too drunk or something, what should I do?", Riku asked himself, as he left to go get some help. Riku searched the whole town but couldn't find any help. When he came back to Mickey, he found a little surprise. Mickey had a wad of cash in his hands as he fucked some chick named Yuffie. Riku grabbed Mickey by the neck and slapped him "Bad Mickey, you sick little fuck," he said in disgust. Yuffie got up and apologized, and invited Riku to come over to Merlin's house.

And now, we return to Lea and Kairi. "Where the hell are we now?", Lea asked Kairi. Kairi shrugged. They were in a giant room with huge objects, and the only light in the room was coming from the TV. "Guys, over here," a voice called out from a far. There was a cowboy and space ranger. Kairi and Lea walked over to them. "Howdy partner, my name's Woody," said the cowboy, followed by the space ranger saying, "Greetings, it is I, Buzz Lightyear," and reaching out his hand for a hand shake. Kairi reached out her hand and introduced herself and Lea to the toys. "There's not much time to explain, but we gotta get out of here, follow me!", Woody said, as he and Buzz ran out the door. "Shit, come back, we can't just leave, we have a mission to accomplis fi- oh great they're gone...", Lea said as he was readying to run towards the doorway. "Now how are we suppose to get out of here?", Kairi asked Lea. "Well... to reveal the keyhole...", Lea begun. "Ew, no Axel. That's just fucked up, it's not happening between us," Kairi said while disgusted, and trying to push Lea away. "FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME, YOU STUPID BITCH. IT'S LEA. LEA. GOT IT FUCKING MEMORIZED? EVEN THE AUTHOR HAS MISTAKENINGLY CALLED ME AXEL MULTIPLE TIMES. THIS RUNNING GAG GOT OLD IN THE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS. FUCK. YOU. I'M USING YOU TO REVEAL THE KEYHOLE!", Axe-, Lea yelled as he was nearing Kairi, who was backing up into the corner. "You'll memorize this for life..."

And thus, another keyhole was sealed. Let's not get into detail. 


	9. Chapter 9

Xehanort ventured into his next world; it was night out and the moon was lighting up the sky. Xehanort wandered across the night time field, and spotted a majestic creature in the distance. As it hopped through the fields of the night, Xehanort checked his surronding. It was the only being in sight, so what he had to do was clear. As he approached the creature, he was finally able to make out its features; it was brown, had a funny shaped head, long neck, baggy moobs, was fat, and had webby looking feet. Xehanort instantly got a boner and cautiously neared the brown creature a little further, and then grabbed it, slamming it against the ground on its back. The alien screamed in terror as Xehanort penetrated its freaky alien ass. "Not a man of many words, are you?", Xehanort asked. Eventually, the creature managed to push Xehanort back. Xehanort got up as his target ran away and looked back behind him. The keyhole had shown itself, and Xehanort sealed it.

Elsewhere, Riku was still at Hollow Bastion, with Mickey at Merlin's House. There was a Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee meeting going on. Riku was caught up to speed on Mickey, who had apparently lost his memory and become a prostitute at Hollow Bastion after killing off Xehanort's XIII Darknesses all on his own, and lived on the street. Merlin told Riku there was only one way to restore Mickey's memory; and that would be to take him to see Yen Sid.

Over the process of two hours, Riku had left Hollow Bastion, returned to the Mysterious Tower, realized Yen Sid wasn't there and wasn't coming back, and then went back to the world-consuming vortex to find him, starting in Halloween Town.

Riku and Mickey arrived in Halloween Town. "I think I've been here before...", he said as he walked through the streets. Riku walked toward the town plaza and noticed a tall slender man like figure had been hanged in the center of the town. There was a plaque near him. "Here chokes the asshole who ruined Christmas," Riku read off the sign. "Haha, it's funny because they made his death slow and painful," Mickey said while taking swigs out of his 40 oz. and trudging towards Riku. There was a lady on the other side who was similar in appearance to the hung man. "Bitch, what are you crying about?", Mickey asked. "Oh... I'm sorry... was I distracting you? My name is Sally, what's yours?", she said, wiping away some tears. "Mickey. And nah, we just need to fuck some bitches up to reveal a keyhole according to my pal. You're the only one here from what I see, so I'll go ahead and take this possibility...", Mickey said as he neared the lady. Riku's eyes widened, as he ran towards Mickey but got pushed back. 'Mickey, stop. This is fucked up you dirty little rat!", he called while trying to get up off his back. "Fuck off, I'm doing what I do best!", Mickey said in reply, as Sally was pushed down against the ground, and Mickey was slowly preparing to "use" her.

Sora and his friends were now in Hollow Bastion. "It's been ages since we've been here, hasn't it?", Sora said as he and his friends walked past a corner and down into one of the streets of the town. "Sora, look, it's some old lady laying on the ground knocked out and naked!", Goofy yelled as they ran over to her. "What happened?", Sora asked as he tried waking the lady up. She opened her eyes and slowly spoke. "I... I only have a few minutes left to live. After the creepy red hair guy and my granddaughter left, I got gangbanged by heartless... please, let me have one last pleasurable time, young heroes... please," she said as her voice got quieter and softer. Sora, Donald, and Goofy all begun to partake in an orgy with Kairi's Grandmother, as the final keyhole of Hollow Bastion began to reveal itself...


	10. Chapter 10

Kairi and Lea arrived in a suburban land during the day, and it just so happened they showed up at the doorstep of a house. "Maybe we could go inside?", Lea suggested. "Axel I'll never forgive you for what you did. Seriously, go the fuck away!", Kairi yelled. Lea followed Kairi inside the house as she entered. "Looks like nobody is home, huh?", Kairi said. "By nobody do you mean nobodies or like, literally, no one is here?", Lea asked. Kairi facepalmed and kept looking around the house. "Upstairs!'", she called from the other side of the living room. They both went upstairs. "Eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat teeeeeeeeeeeeea," they heard from a random room in the house. "This way, come on!", Lea called as he walked up to the slightly closed and peaked inside. There was a boy and a small brown alien-like creature. As Kairi tried peaking in through the door next to Lea, she accidentally pushed him forward. The door flung open. "Shit!", Lea cried as he fell against the ground. The alien screamed and the boy jumped back a bit. "Who are you guys?", the boy asked. The alien's neck literally grew lengthed out. Kairi's keyblade summoned itself out of total fear, and she began wacking the alien as it yelled. The boy got in front of the alien to protect it. "Stop, you're hurting E.T.!", he screamed. Lea pulled Kairi back. "We don't even know why we're here, but look; we can't leave until we've had a sexual experience in this world," Lea explained to the boy. "...I should probably call my mom to get rid of you, but I don't wanna risk putting E.T. into danger. My name is Elliott. Do you think you could keep my mom distracted downstairs when she gets home? I don't want her to find E.T.!", Elliott said as he pleaded for help. "Alright, I have a plan," Lea said. "Cool, thanks. Mister what is your name?", Elliott asked. Kairi silenced Lea, answering for Elliott. "His name is Axel."

Riku and Mickey had just left Halloween Town after they sealed the keyhole and Sally threatened to sue Mickey for rape, and they had now arrived in Traverse Town. "Looks like we finally made it to our last stop... I wonder if Yen Sid may be here...", Riku wondered aloud. As Riku picked up a drunk Mickey and held him over his shoulder, he searched around Traverse Town. "Hang in there, Mick...", he silently said as he came across the last district.

MEANWHILE, Sora, Donald, and Goofy had finished fucking Kairi's grandma, and they left Hollow Bastion to go explore Traverse Town again, in hopes of finding some pointers on where to go next. As they arrived, Riku saw them and approached them. "Riku! What are you doing here?", Sora asked. Riku set Mickey down for a second. "King!", Donald and Goofy exclaimed. "Yeah... he's lost his memory and became a prostitute after defeating Xehanort's darknesses. We have to find Yen Sid to get him back to his former self. I have a feeling he might be here, too," Riku explained. Sora, Donald, and Goofy nodded. "We'll split up. We'll look around ourselves while you can recheck the other districts," Sora said. Riku nodded. "Right. Let's go."

Halfway across the town, Xehanort arrived. "Hmm... who could I fuck here?", he asked himself. Xehanort started walking down through the hotel halls in Traverse Town. He heard tons of moaning and groaning with people intercoursing inside. He tried getting in each room, but they were all locked. Finally, he left the hotel, but upon entering the streets he ran into Sora, Donald, and Goofy. "Boy, you're in trouble now...", he said. "Xehanort!", Sora, Donald, and Goofy cried out. "What are YOU doing here?", asked Sora. Xehanort grinned. "You should be thanking me, I'm helping you seal keyholes," he said after a few silent seconds. "Oh, okay then, carry on. Good luck!", Sora cheerfully said as he began to walk away. "Wait, one more thing...", Xehanort said as Sora and his friends were a little ways away. Sora, Donald, and Goofy turned around. "What?", Sora asked. "You fear the things called Dream Eaters now, right?", he asked. Sora's heart stopped and he frantically turned around and tried running away, while Donald and Goofy followed shortly after. "JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOUR LITTLE FRIEND RIKU WAS A DREAM EATER AND INSIDE OF YOU NOT TOO LONG AGO!", Xehanort yelled as loud as he could. Sora fell flat against the ground. Donald and Goofy approached and tried lifting him back up, but he screamed at them both and told them to fuck off. "Riku... he can't be... I gotta stay away from him," Sora said under his breath. "But Sora, Riku is your best pal! You can't ditch him like that...", Goofy said sorrowly. "YES. I. FUCKING. CAN. Well... I like Riku, he's my friend, but... I can't...", Sora started mumbling on. "Oh God. Goofy. Xehanort has mindfucked him so badly he's now sexually confused about Riku!", Donald whispered into Goofy's ear. Goofy's face went from sad to confused. "Whatd'ya suppose we do, Donald?", Goofy asked. Donald stood there for a second. "Well... we could use this as an experience to open up the keyhole. All we have to do is find Riku, and if Sora is as confused as he is... we could possibly open up two keyholes at once...", Donald said with a sly look on his face. "Donald, ew, no. That is utterly disgusting. Such a fine man as this author cannot write a gay yaoi fiction of a series like this. That is without a doubt the crossing of the line, even if this fic is supposed to be fucked up and bad. Shame on you, shame," Goofy said. Donald stared at Goofy for a second. "You're suppose to be retarded, not reasonable, now let's find Riku," Donald said as he knocked Sora out and bagged him up. "Wait, didn't we already seal a keyhole here though?", Goofy asked. And then Donald realized he bagged Sora up for nothing, and they all left the world.


	11. Chapter 11

Yen Sid was wandering through Traverse Town until he came across an old rival; Xehanort. "Evening, Xehanort. How are you doing with your quest so far?", Yen Sid asked. Xehanort grinned and then grabbed Yen Sid, ripping off both of their clothes in the process. "Xeha- XEHANORT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'm sure this isn't the only possible sexual way of opening the keyhole her-", Yen Sid begun, as Xehanort "gagged" him. Just then the meter of allowed faggatory allowed in this fic broke, as Xehanort's sexual actions against Yen Sid had revealed two keyholes. "God. GOD. I'm going to kill myself now. Fuck you. Just fuck you," Yen Sid said as Xehanort sealed one of the keyholes and vanished off somewhere. Yen Sid was about to seal his own keyhole and leave, but then he heard somebody call out his name. It was Riku, with King Mickey. Yen Sid rushed over. "Riku, you found the king!", he cheerfully exclaimed. "Yeah, but he's lost his memory. Do you know any magic that can heal him?", Riku asked Yen Sid sighed. "Possibly, but nothing immediate. I must take him back to the Mysterious Tower, but I'm unable to do that as of now," he said. Riku looked disappointed. "Oh... s-", he began, but Yen Sid silenced him. "There may be one way, but... it's odd. If you fuck him hard enough, his memories of you will start flowing back to him, followed by memories of others," he said. And Riku finally made his decision and accepted. He finally sold himself to the King. Thus, Mickey's memories came back, Yen Sid sealed his third keyhole, and Riku sealed his last. "Let's go home, Mickey," Riku said, as he and Mickey returned back to the Mysterious Tower, awaiting the return of others.

Meeeeeanwhile~ Kairi and Lea were still at Elliott's house, where they devised a plan to distract Elliott's mom, so she wouldn't come upstairs and find E.T. or something. With this, Lea went down stairs and "distracted" Elliott's mom, and when I say distracted you know I meant he fucked her, and with that sexual event, the keyhole revealed itself in Elliott's living room. Lea sealed it, grabbed Kairi, and left.

Speaking of people who have had sex with characters in the E.T. universe, Xehanort had now arrived in Halloween Town. "I've never been here before...", he said, as he examined the location. Xehanort looked all over only to find a crying girl and a hung man. "Here's a bitch already," he said as he approached the girl. "Hello, who are you? My name is Sally," she greeted. "My name is Master Xehanort," he said. Xehanort stuck out his hand, "What's wrong?"  
"Well... my love was hanged in town here after ruining the entire holiday of Christmas, and then a mouse raped me."  
"Damn. Here, I'll make you feel better..."  
And thus, Xehanort made her "feel better", per say, and the keyhole was revealed. Xehanort got Sally's number, sealed the keyhole, and started to head for the town entrance to leave. He had now sealed all five keyholes he could possiby seal.

Back at town entrace, Yen Sid arrived in Halloween Town. As he approached the plaza, he ran into Xehanort once more. "Xehanort, you're seriously fucked up."  
"I know, I know. But I've sealed five keyholes. I'm done."  
"Yeah, five sounds like a secure number of sealed worlds. They should protect other worlds from being damaged, too."  
"So now where do I go? My apartment bills weren't paid and I've been kicked out. Also, Xigbar needs a place too."  
"...You can stay at the Mysterious Tower, BUT ONLY FOR NOW. When this crisis is over, you're getting kicked out."  
"Alright, cya there."  
"You better not pull any shit."

In another world, Sora, Donald, and Goofy had arrived. "Where are we now?", Goofy asked. Just then, a few boys and their dog bumped into them, all in costumes. "Are we in Halloween Town?", Sora wondered. "Eeeeeat Teeeea," said the boy in a ghost costume. "What the hell does that mean?", Donald asked, just as he took the bed sheet off the boy. It wasn't a boy at all. It was an alien. "Whoa!", Sora, Donald, and Goofy yelled. "Come on, follow us, we can explain!", hushed the younger actual boy. They all ran into the forest. "You see, this is my alien friend, E.T., and he needs to get back home." 


	12. Chapter 12

Kairi and Lea were now in Traverse Town. "Huh, we've come a long ways, haven't we?", Lea asked Kairi, but she was too deep into thought to pay attention. "What's up? You looked kinda... concerned," Lea said as he nudged Kairi. Kairi looked at Lea. "Oh LEA, this is too hard to say, but I liked what happened back in that one world with the cowboy and space ranger!", she said, wrapping her arms around him. Lea was shocked about Kairi's reveal, but what surprised him more was Kairi calling him by his actual name. "Um... Kairi, you CAN let go now. You're kinda making it hard to breath...", Lea said, as he pushed Kairi away a bit. "But Lea, I want you now. I don't care, I'll go ahead and whore myself out for you!", she said in delight. "Look, I got what I want. There's really nothing serious between us... can we just find that last keyhole now?", he asked. Kairi started whoring herself out towards Lea more. "Yeah, here, we can reveal it with the both of us...", she said sluttily. "How about no. Get away from me you sex-crazed creep!", he said, as he pushed her back and walked back a little. "Talk about irony... come on, you KNOW you want to do this!"  
"No, I REALLY don't. You're not even my type."  
"What was everything before about then?"  
"You weren't some crazy massive whore who was out to fuck me before. Now you are and it's weird."  
"I want you Lea."  
"Get away from me. And don't call me Lea, call me Axel like you always do."  
"Alright, but only if we..."  
"No. Stop right there. Now get this memorized; you're a whore and I don't want you."

Kairi was convinced though. She kept nearing Lea until he took a run for it. All around Traverse Town the whore had chased him, until he ran out of breath, and was cornered. "Look, Kairi, no!", he began, as she walked towards him, casting a dark shadow over him. And that was that. Kairi had done it and got what she wanted.

"That was terrible!", Lea cried. "Oh well. At least we got the keyhole!", Kairi said, as she took out her keyblade. "Well, at least you've gotten that down...", Lea commented, as Kairi sealed the keyhole, and began chasing after Lea again.

And that happened. And while it was, Sora and his gang were out in the forest with Elliott, his brother Michael, their dog nobody cares about, and E.T., their alien friend. E.T. was in the process of finding a forest clearing where he could set up his alien communicator to send a signal to his home planet and get a ride back there. "Garwsh, E.T., it sure does sound like you've had it rough," Goofy stated, as E.T. slowly set up his communicator. "Yes... rough. Had it," E.T. said in response. Elliott grinned. "He's still a beginner in English," he explained. Sora, Donald, and Goofy nodded. "Well, we're from out of this world too, but we have a mission here," Donald explained, but before he could, he realized Goofy was fucking Elliott's dog, so he shut himself up as the keyhole formed nearby. "Yeah, never mind us, we'll help you get E.T. home!", Sora cheered on.

That night, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Elliott, Michael, E.T., and Elliott's dog slept outisde in the forest. Morning struck, but something was wrong; E.T. was missing. Michael told Elliott to take his dog home and wait while he goes to search for E.T., and Elliott did so. Sora, Donald, and Goofy agreed to help Michael find E.T. before they left the world. Hours passed as the gang searched on, but they eventually found E.T., who was dying. "E.T., please, survive!", Sora cried. Michael was freaking out. He grabbed E.T., and lunged him over his shoulder to take him back to Elliott.

But who cares about E.T.? He ruined my childhood. So let's move onto Yen Sid once more, who was in Halloween Town. Yen Sid entered the town plaza only to find some chick crying, so he approached her. "What's wrong?", Yen Sid asked. "I've been raped twice today, AND MY LOVE DIED!", she screamed. "Well... I hate to be a burden, or worsen things... but I need to have sex to save this world."

And it turned out Sally was a whore setting everything up so she could get it from everyone. And Yen Sid sealed a keyhole in Halloween Town.


	13. Chapter 13

Now Riku, King Mickey, Xehanort, Xigbar, Lea, and Kairi were waiting for the other's return at the Mysterious Tower. Riku was explaining what was going on to King Mickey, Xehanort was watching sleezy pornos again, Xigbar was teasing Lea about the Kairi situation, Lea was pissed off because of Xigbar and Kairi, and Kairi was whoring herself out to Lea. But that's not important to the plot.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy had helped Michael find E.T. and left the world. Now they had one last world left to seal; Halloween Town.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy entered Halloween Town, where they unsurprisingly ran into Sally, who once again, was crying. That wasn't the only thing they noticed, they also noticed Jack Skellington, hanged in the center of the town, with a plaque next to him reading, "Here chokes the asshole who ruined Christmas," next to him. "Gawrsh, I wonder what happened...", Goofy said. Sora walked over to Sally and patted her on the back. "It's okay, we still have Jack - in our hearts," Sora said. "Who gives a damn about all that 'in our hearts' bullshit you always go on about. If you really use all these analogies and metaphors that frequent you're obviously a fucking faggot. Get out of this town, we don't need anymore scum running around on these sleezy streets, you douchebag. And I'm not sad over Jack. I'm crying because I've been raped thee times today. THREE. Not even Gabe Newell can count that far. Get you and your worthless ass out of here," Sally said with extreme anger. Sora backed up and ran away crying. "Wait, come back!", Donald cried. Donald and Goofy lost sight of Sora, but found him hiding in the Halloween Town cemetary, crying in the corner. "Look Sora, we'll finish this. We just gotta find the last keyhole. Come on, let's go rape Sally!", Goofy said cheerfully. "Fuck off!", Sora yelled. Donald and Goofy walked away, until Donald stopped. "Goofy... maybe we should literally... 'fuck him off' to reveal the keyhole...", Donald said. Goofy looked disgusted. "I don't wanna... but, if we have to... and if it's the only way..."

And. Then. Shit. Happened.

Lots. Of. It.

And with that, the final keyhole of Halloween Town was sealed, which was also the last one Sora and his friends needed to seal, so they all returned back to the Mysterious Tower.

Now all who was left to return was Yen Sid, who arrived at his final destination. He was in a street with a dying sunset. A bunch of bikes rushed past him. "What?", Yen Sid asked himself. A bunch of cops rushed on by directly afterward. "Hmm...", Yen Sid thought. He removed the bike out of the hand of some kid who got ran over by one of the cops and raced to catch up with the children, but because of this, more cops came out of nowhere and chased after him. "Stop following those children, you creepy old pedo. Stop riding away at once!", they called out through megaphones. Yen Sid rode faster as the cops gave pursuit. The children from before were in sight once more, and they were jumping over a roadblock set up by the police thanks to a ramp. Yen Sid got closer and closer to the roadblock, and he eventually realized cops were now in sight and armed - with walkie talkies. Yen Sid jumped the roadblock and caught up with the kids as the day became night, and they entered a forest. "Please, would one of you children have a sexual experience with me so the keyhole will reveal itself and I can save this world from impending doom?", Yen Sid asked as he neared them, but they were too focused on what was ahead; a huge jump. The moon was shining out brightly, and a silence broke through the air as the boy rode right off the edge of the left side of the jump. Yen Sid immediately rode up and stopped at the edge. The boy was screaming in terror, as was the alien in his bike basket. Yen Sid used magic without taking a second to process his thoughts, and magically lifted the boy and his alien up through the sky, with the gorgeous moon in the background, and then crossed himself over the jump as well.

A spaceship arrived, as did the people chasing the children beforehand. "So, I see you're not from this world," Yen Sid said to the alien. The alien nodded. "My name is... E.T.," it said. Yen Sid shook hands with it. "May I tag along?", Yen Sid asked. E.T. motioned for Yen Sid to enter the ship with him. "E.T... is home!", said E.T. as he entered the ship. "What the hell are you calling yourself E.T. for, spaz? Your name is Kleborp, retard!", one of the fellow shipmates yelled. "Err... am I supposed to be here?", Yen Sid asked. All of the shipmates suddenly turned towards him. "Who the HELL are you?", they all asked. Yen Sid stood there for a second and then realized if he didn't think of something fast, he'd be screwed and never reveal the keyhole, so he quickly crafted together an idea. "Well... I am here to teach you of human costumes. Such as sex."

And with that, all keyholes had been revealed and sealed.


	14. Chapter 14

Everybody was waiting in the Mysterious Tower. "We've sealed a shitton of worlds at this point, so now, we must continue and venture into the source of the problem," Yen Sid explained. The team; Sora, Donald, Goofy, Riku, King Mickey, Lea, Kairi, Xigbar, Xehanort, and Yen Sid got prepared and left the Mysterious Tower. Arriving at the Vortex consuming all the worlds was different this time...

What was once a clear, white canvas was now a nearly pitch black world, with a single round circular platform with a dark blue aurora slightly lighting up everything nearby. A figure in a hood was there, staring into the distance. The team gazed upon this spectacle within a crowded gummi ship, which was shaped like a dick for no apparent reason. Yes, I had to point that out. Anyway, the team landed, or rather, crashed on the platform and slowly approached the figure from behind. It turned around and looked at its approaching enemies. "It is I, the Fourth Wall," it said. Everyone gasped. "It was you? you were behind this the entire time?", Riku asked surprise. "Indeed," it said. "Remember, I told you. Bad. Writing. Bitch, now prepare to die!", the Fourth Wall said, as he pulled out a Keyblade. "I don't understand... you helped me protect the worlds and told me how to seal the keyholes!", Riku said. The Fourth Wall laughed as it kept nearing. "Bitch, please. I wasn't protecting the worlds. I tricked you. All of you. Revealing the keyholes through cliche sexual ways actually reveals currently sealed keyholes. All you retards did was make them vurnerable to me. And now, with my generic villain goals, I will end this and every other universe!", the Fourth Wall ranted on.

Everyone took out there keyblades and leaped into battle. Lea stood back and watched. Sora's arm got cut off, Donald was thrown off of the platform, Goofy got knocked out, Kairi died, Mickey got the Fourth Wall's keyblade shoved up his ass, Xehanort got a scratch and started crying, Xigbar was being a lazy asshole, Riku was actual doing shit, and Yen Sid fell asleep. "My friends are being hurt, but what could I do?", Lea asked himself. He took out his keyblade. "I started all of this... I should be the one to end it! I broke the fourth wall... and now I'll KILL the fourth wall!", Lea said, as he gathered up all his energy, and leaped towards the Fourth Wall, releasing his energy in one hit. The Fourth Wall pushed Lea back and cut its keyblade through Lea, violently ripping him apart. Lea started breathing heavily. "Well, shit... guess that was for nothing!", he said in a cheerful tone as blood gushed out and finally died. Lea's heart came out of his body and slowly raised into the air. Just then, every body elses's heart did as well. "What the hell is happening?", the Fourth Wall asked itself. The hearts gathered up in the middle of the platform and merged, and the figure of a person formed. It slowly lowered itself to the ground, and the light surrounding it broke. A hot and sexy young girl with a keyblade appeared. "I am Kairi's grandmother, REBORN!", it declared. The Fourth Wall had the weirdest boner ever. "I don't get it... the script said you died after having your final orgy with Sora, Donald, and Goofy!", it yelled. Kairi's grandmother giggled. "Bitch, my vagina has a heart transfer system. This entire time I already knew the outcome of this story. I sent pieces of my heart into each person that would be involved in this battle, so that each piece could leave each vessel and merge to rebirth me as a new person, complete with my own goddamn keyblade," Kairi's grandmother explained. "Well, hag or not, you're still no match for me!", the Fourth Wall declared.

Kairi's grandmother leaped into the air and tried slashing her keyblade across her foe, but it managed to jump back in time. The Fourth Wall charged forward as Kairi's grandmother blocked the assault, and then she grabbed him by the hand. "I'm sorry, but I really don't appreciate being called a hag, you douchenugget," she said, as she stabbed her keyblade into the Fourth Wall's face and violenty sliced off its neck. The heroes had won. The Fourth Wall was destroyed.

About an hour passed, and the remaining, still living members of the team had returned to Yen Sid's tower to celebrate their victory. "I'll miss Lea... I'll treasure all the times he tried to abuse me - in my heart," Kairi said, as she looked out of the window and into the stars. "Lea sacrificed himself for a good reason. Too bad it completely backfired and didn't do shit," Yen Sid said. Xehanort and Xigbar looked over to Yen Sid awkwardly. "You know, now that this shit is over, you two can get the hell out of my house," Yen Sid said to them. Xehanort sighed as he dragged Xigbar out. "We'll get you yet!", he declared as he slammed the door behind him. Everybody else was having an orgy with Kairi's grandma in the corner across the room. "This is the best party ever!", Sora declared. But just then, a huge ripple shook the tower. Xehanort and Xigbar bursted back through the doorway. "Shit, shit, shit!", Xehanort screamed. Everybody looked over in concern. "What, what's happening?", Yen Sid asked. Xehanort tried taking in a deep breath to tell about what horros he had seen outside. Another shake shook through. Everybody gathered up and ran outside. The Fourth Wall stood, without a single scratch. "Miss me?", he asked. Everybody gasped. "Don't worry, I've revived your other lost friends... and I'll allow you all to live... but this time... NONE OF YOU. ABSOLUTELY NONE OF YOU, are interfering with my plans..."

And with that, there was a flash of light, and the world had blurred out.

Next Chapter - Worlds Collide: Squidward's Sexy Time & Kingdom Hearts 3 (Part 1 of 12)


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